Annette's story

Annette Mouton, 36, an aromatherapy masseuse, suffered from PND after the births of both her girls, Kimé, five, and Zoë Rose, two.

When my first baby was born, I felt numb and distant. The pregnancy had been stressful. We had relocated to South Africa from Ireland when I was six months pregnant. Plus I had high expectations: I wanted a natural birth and ended up having a Caesarean section. So, once Kimé was there, I just didn’t bond with her. I remember thinking to myself that if she had to stay behind in hospital, I wouldn’t care.

It took me eight months to acknowledge that I had a problem because I was ashamed. I’m a mother; I’m supposed to know what to do. On top of all of it, Kimé had colic, which I felt was my fault. I felt isolated and believed there wasn’t anyone that I could talk to. Who wouldn’t judge me if I said I felt like leaving my baby out on the balcony?

The moment of truth
The moment of truth came when Kimé was about eight months old. My husband had said something arbitrary – I can’t even remember what it was – and I just freaked out. I was convinced that he was going to leave me. So he looked at me and said, "We need help."

I knew I couldn’t keep going on like that. I called the number for the PNDSA that I had seen in a magazine earlier and arranged to go for an assessment with a social worker, who recommended that I see a psychiatrist immediately.

One lesson I had to learn was that recovery takes time. It’s not a matter of days or weeks, but months. I’d hoped to feel better immediately but things only gradually came into perspective as the medication I was prescribed started to have an effect, and as therapy progressed. It took a while for me to come to terms with my condition because I have a family history of depression. My mother suffered from it when I was a child, so the concept held unhappy memories and negative associations for me.

When my second baby was born, I knew what I was in for. I was told I had a 50 per cent chance of developing PND again, and it didn’t come as a big surprise when I did because, with Zoë Rose, the pregnancy was complicated right from the start. I’d experienced bleeding from five weeks up until 11 weeks, and she was born prematurely (at 36 weeks) after my placenta started rupturing.

My husband helped me get through PND twice by being amazingly supportive and giving me time. It was very hard on him, especially in the beginning when my behaviour didn’t make sense but my psychiatrist saw both of us together at our first meeting and explained PND to him. He’s a very practical person so I think it was tough for him when there was nothing he could do to “fix it”.

Amanda's story

Amanda Hiscock, 38, a housewife, suffered from postnatal depression after the births of Courtney, six, and Jenna, two. At the time of this interview, she was feeling strong after the birth of her baby boy, Reece, who was one week old.

I had no idea I had postnatal depression because my symptoms weren’t what I understood to be typical of PND. I’m not the crying type – but I would get uptight with everybody and just about anything could set me off. It must have been something to do with hormones because I noticed it got even worse when I stopped breastfeeding Courtney. A second factor came into play after Jenna was born: my health wasn’t very good after the birth and I had developed asthma by the time she was six months old.

I think my recovery would have been quicker the first time if I’d admitted it sooner and taken the medication I was prescribed. I didn’t think I needed the meds. I’m one of those people who thinks she is strong enough, and wanted to be able to beat it on my own, but I was wrong. It’s understandable that PND is so stigmatised. You tend to beat yourself up about it and because you don’t want other people to judge you too, no-one must know that there’s something wrong. But it’s not as if you’re a life-long basket case. You’ll be OK and life will return to normal again if you get help and take your time.

The importance of support
I would highly recommend that partners get help too. In my support group, the dads are involved and have their own meetings separately. Our partners need help in understanding this condition just as much as we do because it puts huge stress on relationships and family life. There are times when a husband wonders, “Who are you and what did you do to my wife?”

A support group gives them a very good opportunity to share their experiences and talk about the things they perhaps don’t feel they can tell us. For instance, my husband mentioned that the men in their group agreed that during the worst times, had it not been for the children, they wouldn’t have stayed.

They need to hear that it’s normal to feel that way and that it’s OK to not like your wife very much at times.For me, the biggest misconception about postnatal depression is that feeling this way is just part of life. You often have people telling you that this is what motherhood is all about. But it’s not "just the way things are", or something anybody should put up with or get over.

PND is a very real medical condition and, if someone suspects she might be depressed, she should get all the help and support she needs as soon as possible. And more people need to know that a women suffering from postnatal depression can’t be expected to just snap out of it and "sort herself out".

Alison's story

Alison Beere, 37, a housewife, suffered from PND after the births of Timothy, eight, and Sarah, five.

My symptoms were very similar in both cases: extreme anxiety and frustration, and the constant feeling that I simply wasn’t coping with anything. For instance, my husband would ask what my plans were for the day, because if there was a chance that I could get to Pick ’n Pay, could I perhaps pick up… I would just burst into tears. I felt completely and utterly overwhelmed all the time. And once I’d start crying, it seemed as if the tears would never stop.

I guess I missed a clue or two while I was pregnant with Timothy. We had been based in the UK when I fell pregnant with him, and we moved back home about four weeks before he was born. So I’d been feeling anxious and stressed even before the birth but I put it down to all the life changes.

I got help when I took Timothy, who was colicky, to a clinic for one of his vaccinations. While chatting to the sister, I happened to mention my frustration and the fact that my poor husband gets it in the neck for the smallest things. She took it quite seriously and asked if I’d considered that I might be suffering from postnatal depression. I followed her advice and went for an assessment as soon as possible.

Don't ignore the symptoms
It was a huge relief for us to get a diagnosis. Knowing what was wrong, that it had a name and that it was treatable really took a load off, especially because our relationship had been taking strain. Up until then, my husband must have thought I’d lost my marbles but once he understood that he hadn’t lost the wife he knew and that we’d get our lives back at some stage, he was very encouraging and gave me all the space I needed.

The fact that he’s such a supportive and hands-on person really made my recovery possible. During the second pregnancy, I was antenatally depressed and received treatment for it from 11 weeks onwards, so by the time Sarah was born I had a good idea of what I was dealing with and knew what to look out for.

My support group was phenomenal. It makes a huge difference. I think group work is absolutely essential to therapy. It’s so important to be able to talk and listen to people who understand because they are going through the same things.

The worst thing you could do is soldier on and suffer in silence. We women have this thing, unfortunately, where we tend to say we’re fine when we’re not. And just because you’re not feeling “sad” in the literal sense, doesn’t mean you’re not depressed. PND could also manifest as feelings of anxiety and frustration. Get help, read up as much as you can and try to actively educate your partner so that you can count on their support. No-one has to go it alone.

Get Help!
If you’re a new mom, and two or more of the statements below apply, you might be suffering from postnatal depression. Talk to your doctor or therapist, or call the PNDSA on the number below as soon possible.

• I am irritable and confused
  
• I feel like crying for no apparent reason
  
• I feel exhausted all the time
  
• I feel helpless, inadequate and unable to cope
  
• I worry all the time about the baby
  
• I feel scared and panicky at times
  
• I feel ashamed and guilty
  
• I don’t know who I am any more
  
• I have no interest in anything
  
• I can’t sleep the way I used to
  
• I don’t eat the way I used to
  
• I don’t have any feelings for the baby
  
• I don’t want sex any more
  
• I sometimes think of hurting the baby or myself
  
  The postnatal depression support association:
  
  National helpline: 082 882 0072
  Cape Town office: 021-797-4498
  Gauteng (helpline): 082 429 2279
  KwaZulu Natal office: 031-265-9790
  
  Website: www.pndsa.org.za
  Email: info@pndsa.org.za