5 things you should know about LABOUR DAY

Five things you must know – and no-one will think to tell you – before the big day.

You’re in a hospital, not a hotel

So your room comes with an en-suite, a TV and room service but, if you are to enjoy your hospital stay, it’s important to remember that you are in a hospital, not an hotel, and that you are a patient, not a guest. I tell you this because some of the rooms in our private hospitals are so darn swanky, it’s easy to think you are in an hotel and to start behaving like a guest.

For one thing, no-one will knock before they come in to your room; particularly not the doctors, who are, let’s face it, the kings and queens, and you are guests in their palace. But the cleaners won’t knock either. They may ask you if it’s convenient to clean the room, but, then again, they may not. While there will probably be a choice of meals, remember to expect hospital food. It’s not an hotel kitchen down there and the portions will be hospital size.

Also, there’s a curfew. Lights go out at a certain time but, unlike some of the surgical wards, maternity is a 24-hour business. New moms and dads come and go at all hours and, as much as staff try to keep the corridors quiet at night, there’s only so much you can do to control the chatter and clatter.

When you go into labour, you may start vomiting and have diarrhoea

We are all told about the common signs that labour is starting: you have a show (the pink jelly-like mucus plug that blocks the cervix comes away); you start getting longer, regular contractions that are stronger than Braxton Hicks; your waters break (the membranes rupture and straw-coloured water/amniotic fluid comes out of the vagina). But no-one told me that nausea and diarrhoea might accompany these.

I was sitting on the sofa watching a film when my waters broke. I had always feared that I might not recognise it. I needn’t have worried. It’s hard to miss. For a start, when you squeeze to try to stop the flow, nothing happens. It keeps on coming. I went up to the bathroom to get a towel to put between my legs (a pad would not suffice!) and was grateful to be next to the loo because I started vomiting – uncontrollable, body-shaking retches. It was half an hour before it stopped. Then it started coming from the other end. By the time I got to hospital, there was nothing in my stomach, my bowel or my bladder. Oh, that’s normal, the midwives told me. It’s all those hormones rushing around.

After the birth, you will probably be starving

As soon as you have held your baby and been consumed with love, you will probably be consumed with hunger. Depending on the length of your labour, you may not have eaten for 24 hours. Individual doctors and midwives vary on their attitudes towards eating during labour because it is so common to vomit during it but, either way, the chances are you will be starving and thirsty.

Make sure you have food on hand; energy bars are a good option. You will have used a huge amount of energy and your body will be getting ready to produce milk for your baby, so, if your stomach is telling you to eat or drink, don’t ignore it. Don’t feel embarrassed to ask hospital staff for tea and toast, but there may not be any other food on offer until the hospital’s next mealtime, which could be hours away.

But that only applies if you have had a natural birth. If you have had a Caesar, the really bad news is that you will not be allowed to eat that day. You’ll be lucky if you‘re allowed a glass of water (you’ll be on a drip so do not worry about dehydration) but may get an ice cube to suck on. Take solace in the fact that whatever your first meal is after the Caesar, it will taste like nectar.

The nursing staff work 12-hour shifts

We all know that being a nurse is all work and no pay so do remember that the nurses on your ward work a 12-hour shift, traditionally from 7am to 7pm. One of the main effects of that is you will be woken at…around 5.30am. It will come as an enormous shock not least because you probably only got to sleep at 4am. But they are not doing it to be sadistic. They need to perform certain tests and tasks before the 7am shift takes over.

Remember that the nurse you first greet has been on duty throughout the night and will be tired. Be kind. In fact, remember to always be kind and gentle with the nurses, and communicate rationally. They are the ones who are going to make or break your stay in hospital. While your birth and baby is the only birth in the world that matters to you, you are one in a line of thousands that they have dealt with.

Also remember that your body is just another body to them. And it will be manhandled as if it was public property during and after labour. Leave your modesty at home. If you need help breastfeeding, ask for it, but be prepared to have your breast grabbed and forced into your baby’s mouth. Don’t think breast; think udder. Sorry!

You may go into shock after the birth

It is not unusual to go into shock immediately after your baby is born and to shake. I am not talking about a shiver as if you were cold, but a teeth-chattering, leg shaking, body quaking tremor that you cannot control. It doesn’t usually last for long and is a common reaction to the vigorous work of labour. Strangely, it is more common in women who have quick labours. It can be scary but, remember, it’s normal and will soon be over. Then the shock of motherhood will set in!