Birth in the midst of family

Not everyone wants a home birth, but for Clare Roy there was no other way to give birth to her second son, Ashley – and her entire family joined her for the magical experience.

Differences between the first and second...
My first pregnancy was filled with excitement and learning. I’ll admit to having been obsessed with how babies are formed and at what stage my baby’s own development was. The second seemed to progress on its own, almost forgotten, even though we had planned it. The reality is that parenting the first baby takes away the focus from the second pregnancy. By the time you’ve been through the pregnancy and parenting initiation that number one had in store for you, you feel like you know it all.

My second birth was as different as the pregnancy. My second labour started 12 days early and caught us off guard. The contractions started gently at 6am on a Wednesday. I lay in bed quietly and told my husband, Allan, when his alarm went off at 6.45am. Even though I’d had a show the day before, I didn’t think it was true labour, so we agreed to continue with the day as planned: Justin, our toddler, would be taken to playschool on Allan’s way to work. My first labour had started with gushing waters so I was convinced I’d experience the same or at least the intense Braxton Hicks I’d had a few days before my labour had started.

And so it begins...
By 7.20am, I barred Allan from leaving the house, having realised that I was in labour. The contractions had become more intense and frequent. I had a shower and tried to organise things I needed doing around the house. I’d learnt during my first labour that swaying my hips while standing helped me through the pain. So I would occasionally stop my activity to do a little jiggle.

As the contractions became pretty regular and more painful, we called Karen Clark, our midwife. She arrived within half an hour. I was already dilated to 4cm. During my first labour I’d had irregular contractions – some close, others widely spaced – and I only dilated 1cm per hour. This labour felt more productive. At some stage, we contacted our families and Allan’s work to tell them we were in labour. My sister, Susan, showed up and was sent to the shops for outstanding items on our list, notably cotton wool and suppositories. I’d discovered the first time around that having bowel movements during labour was very uncomfortable, so I decided to deal with the problem beforehand.

The family arrives to support us
My other sister, Liz, who was close to the end of a visit from England, arrived to give moral support and help with Justin. He was excited but confused by the contractions, and was not sure how to deal with them. I had prepared him for it as much as I could, but nothing is like the real thing. It thrilled him, though, when I went into the birthing bath we had set up in the lounge and he joined me, in his swimming nappy. But he didn’t stay long because his aunt was great fun to play with outside and he was further entertained when my parents and Susan arrived.

It was a beautiful, sunny day so they sat on the patio and had lunch, leaving me in peace. This was great as I felt their support without being crowded by them. Susan took photos so unobtrusively that I wasn’t even aware of her. Liz’s husband, Keith, was put off the idea of coming inside on hearing that I was naked, so he went off to do some fishing.

A truly exhausting experience
By 11.30am, I had dilated to 8cm, much faster progress than my first labour (a rate of 2 cm per hour), but the waters had not yet broken. Then my labour changed. The contractions became much more painful, but further apart. This continued until 3pm, despite taking some homeopathic remedies to encourage the contractions. There seemed to be no end in sight and I was becoming exhausted by the intensity of the infrequent contractions. I discussed with my midwives the option of manually breaking the membranes. Our back-up midwife, Sue Lees, had arrived by then. After a few more ineffective, painful contractions, I gave them the go-ahead. Karen told me that it needed to be done during a contraction.

I preferred her to use a gloved finger instead of the hook that is often used. She noticed that the membranes were extremely tough. When she broke them, the baby dropped suddenly. His heartbeat slowed down a bit, indicating that he was slightly distressed. Following that, my contractions increased incredibly, both in frequency and intensity, and I had the urge to push.

I found pushing more painful than the contractions had been, which was different from my first labour where pushing had been a relief after the transition contractions. This was because he had turned back to front when the waters were broken and was delivered posterior.

Baby Ashley is delivered into the heart of the family
Ashley Julian was born at 3.50pm, within 10 minutes of my waters being broken. My labour had been 10 hours, compared to 17 for my first baby. He arrived rather floppy so Karen and Sue massaged his back and his feet as he lay on my tummy in the water. He revived and, without so much as a cry, proceeded to suckle my breast for a few minutes before falling asleep in my arms. It had been an exhausting experience for both of us.

While I cuddled him in the bath, Allan was given the scissors to cut the cord. All the family gathered around to see the new baby. Justin was fascinated by his brother and pointed excitedly at Ashley’s hair, then his own, and then everyone else’s. Baby Ashley was passed on to Allan to cuddle on his bare chest, while I moved on to deliver the placenta. I climbed out of the bath and squatted on the side to do this, with Karen’s help. The family was cooing over the new, sleepy baby, which gave me the privacy I needed.

Baby was then measured and inspected by Karen while Sue assessed the placenta. Justin was enthralled with all of this, especially when his new brother was picked up in a cloth bag to be weighed. I had a snack and rested on a bed while Granny dressed Ashley for the first time. It was wonderful to have Karen as our midwife the second time around. She was familiar with my nature and the way my body deals with labour, which gave her a different standpoint this time. The bond I felt with her following Justin’s birth was strengthened by his brother Ashley’s.