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Sex in pregnancy: the Mama Sutra

By Gale Sato

Is your pregnant body the only reminder that you and your partner once had an active sex life? Here's a brief guide to keeping the sexual flame in your relationship alive.

Learn the facts about sex during pregnancy
Pregnancy begets misinformation about sex the way sex begets pregnancy. Don't fall prey to the myths. Here are a few things you may not know:

• Many pregnant women do want sex. Increased hormone production and blood flow to the genitals can create serious heat, especially in the second trimester.


• Unless a woman is experiencing certain medical problems during pregnancy, any sexual activity that is not uncomfortable appears to be safe. It's the rare pregnancy in which sex is unsafe.
  
  Medical opinion is that if you experience vaginal bleeding, placenta praevia, preterm labour (or have a history of it) or ruptured membranes, you may need to abstain. The safest course is to check with your doctor first - it will put your and your partner's minds at ease.


• After giving birth, you can't count on breastfeeding or on an absence of periods for contraception.

Get ready for some changes
You may be sidelined by nausea, fatigue and your ever-expanding figure; your man may be inhibited by the baby's presence and the transformation of your thighs from sculpted to upholstered. The climate in your bedroom may shift from torrid to chilly, and what always worked between the two of you might not work for a while.

That said, not all changes are necessarily negative. Sometimes it's just a mind shift. Think to yourself: "I'm busty and voluptuous and feel really beautiful." If you enjoy the way you look, others will, too.

Renew that flame
Prospective and new parents often ignore what's happening between them outside of the bedroom. "Hold hands. Go for walks together. Get back into courtship behaviour," advises sex therapist Wendy Maltz. "Trouble comes when people think their relationship can go on autopilot."

Make the effort
Speaking of courtship, it's easy to let things go when you're pregnant or a brand-new mom. But unless you make the effort to light a spark, spontaneous combustion isn't likely. Waddling around the house in a bathrobe with dirty hair is not exactly sex-inspiring behaviour. Do your part to make it happen, or it won't.

Seize the moment
If you wait until the perfect opportunity (baby is with grandma and you're at a B&B in the Natal Midlands), your child may be in university before you have sex again. Yes, you should carve out time for serious lovemaking, but in the interim (read: your real life), make hay whenever and wherever the sun shines.

Go slow after the baby is born
Plan on a sex hiatus in the weeks after your baby's birth. First, physical recuperation is a must. Second, the demands of early parenthood can be totally depleting. "The oxytocin released during breastfeeding is the same hormone that is released when a woman has an orgasm," Maltz says. "To your body, breastfeeding can be like having several orgasms a day." (Not that nursing feels like an orgasm, but it can be equally tiring.)

Be realistic about your sex drive: lingering soreness, constant fatigue and feeling "touched out" may all contribute to flagging desire. This is a good time for other kinds of connecting.

Once you're ready and have your doctor's OK, you can resume having intercourse about six weeks postpartum - just take it easy the first few times. Because nursing can lower hormone levels, many breastfeeding women find a water-based lubricant helpful. Most women (men, too) may also find a glass of wine salubrious. Just don't overdo it if you are nursing.

Welcome the new era
A postpartum slump in sex drive may be nature's way of making sure your children are appropriately spaced. But don't let celibacy become a lifelong habit - talk to your doctor if it persists for months on end.

Then again, don't fret excessively about how your sex life has changed. Soon enough your waistline will measure less than 152cm, your episiotomy stitches won't throb and your child won't always respond by crying hysterically, Pavlov-style, every time you and your partner get near each other.

Enjoy your new life, sexual challenges and all.

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