my natural birth

I am in an unusual position – I have had three babies and three very different births. When you start on the journey of pregnancy, you imagine that your births will be the same, but that was not the case for me. I have had a natural birth, a natural birth with an epidural and, lastly, a Caesarean. Inevitably, people ask me which was the “best” birth. The truth is none was better than the other. I feel strangely privileged (and not disappointed) to have had three different births that produced three very different – but healthy – children.

birth one: the natural
My first labour was a long one, but it started off gently. I was so calm and relaxed that I went out for lunch to a restaurant and was reasonably comfortable. As I ate and chatted, I felt very excited and thought “this is easy, I can do this”. After about 12 hours, the real pain set in and I began to feel worse and more realistic about my expectations of the birth.

Back home, we gathered my suitcase together and drove to hospital. But, as is commonly the case, we were sent back home. That was at about 8pm. My husband, Paul, was incredible. He saw me through what was one of the most uplifting but humiliating times of my life and he hardly flinched. At one point, I remember sitting in the bathroom, with my head resting in his groin, bucket between his legs, as he rubbed my back. I had diarrhoea, vomiting and contractions all at once. I found this the most memorable moment of my labour. My body appeared to be ridding itself of everything bad so that it could deal solely with the birth. Of course, I only realised that in retrospect.

By 11pm, we were back at the hospital, only to be sent home again. At home, I had been bathing, timing contractions and generally trying to pretend the labour wasn’t happening but it had got to the stage where that was impossible to do. By 2.30am, we were back at the hospital – again. This time, I was examined internally. The machine they linked me up to still wasn’t registering the contractions. But clearly it wasn’t working that night as the examination revealed that I was 10cm and ready to give birth any minute!

I was relieved and excited, as I felt I couldn’t go on any longer. However, the contractions were not the most painful part of labour for me. Actually getting the baby out – the pushing bit – needed a lot of determination and teeth gritting. I had just heard 10cm and thought it was over. Finally, and after six stitches, gorgeous baby number one, Thomas, was born at 3am. I was walking around by 7am showing the family my son and feeling great, albeit a little tender.

natural with epidural

Three months after giving birth to Tom, I had an operation to remove a small piece of my cervix. I had had some abnormal cells, which were completely unrelated to birth and pregnancy, but it meant that we were concerned for my second pregnancy a year later. Fortunately, my cervix held up and our little girl, Jennifer, arrived at 39 weeks.

The gynae had wanted to be cautious and said I should have an epidural in case there were problems with my cervix. My baby was also lying with her back against my spine (occipitoposterior position with head deflected, which commonly is more painful). I was pleased I had taken his advice, as there was quite a bit of pushing and shoving to get baby’s head turned.

My gynae managed to take the top of the head between two fingers and twist her head around. I watched my belly and I could see five minutes later my bump rolled, as the baby turned, and quite literally popped out. There was no pain and no stitches this time. My husband thought this birth was incredible. He watched the whole J&B Met on TV and relaxed while the gynae did the rest.

My gynae was with me for four hours, which was amazing, but the whole deal was so relaxed I could read a book throughout. I was in awe of modern medicine and the invention of the epidural. What an incredible drug!

the emergency caesarean

Pregnancy number three was not as enjoyable as the previous two. I was five years older and my body was not in as good a shape. I also had two other children running around and didn’t get much rest. But it flew by until, at just under 37 weeks when I was on my way out for my brother’s birthday, I suddenly felt like either my waters had broken or I had become radically incontinent in one moment.

We had moved house when I was 35 weeks and had my in-laws to stay for four weeks at the time, so, in retrospect, this was not to be entirely unexpected. Anyway, I got checked out and it was amniotic fluid leaking, so I went to the labour ward. Everything was going perfectly, the labour seemed normal. I called my mother and brother, who were waiting eagerly, and said they could come in 15 minutes as the head was crowning and baby would be here within minutes. But 15 minutes later, the head had vanished. The heart rate was decreasing rapidly and my gynae looked very concerned. I just said to him, “Do what you need to do. Don’t stress about the natural birth, just get it out – straight away.”

It was like a military operation. Anaesthetists, a paediatrician and support staff arrived in what seemed like seconds. I was in theatre, with my kitted-out husband beside me in minutes. I felt completely safe in my gynae’s hands, but did a lot of praying.

Although my baby boy needed to be resuscitated and was not looking good at birth, he strengthened over a couple of days. Now you wouldn’t know that he had a rough introduction to this world and I am thankful that he came early, for if he hadn’t he may not have made it.

At my check-up six weeks later, my gynae said I was the same weight as after my previous births, so that put to bed the argument that a Caesar makes weight loss after birth difficult – for me anyway. However, I did have tenderness, which I hadn’t had before, and I felt more battered and bruised.

So for those who think a Caesarean is the easiest route, I disagree. It is major abdominal surgery. From each birth, I felt I gained wisdom and maturity. In carrying a baby, one sees the wonders of nature and creation, but also the amazing developments in medical technology. And this was the same with each of my births. With the first, I was impressed with what my mother had endured – and not said much about – and was proud of my body for what it was easily able to handle naturally. In the second birth, I couldn’t believe that modern science could make a birth so painless and simple. With number three, I was just thankful that I wasn’t having my baby during my mother’s time, as I don’t think I would now have three children. I was quite prepared to have a Caesar, and don’t regret it.

I am not concerned about the potential incontinence, or prolapse, or whatever it is that they worry about after natural births. I think there is a lot of scaremongering that goes on with all the options available. Having had all three, I feel my body has healed now and, apart from a few extra grey hairs and some wrinkles, I think neither birth has been worse for my body.

Obviously, there are pros and cons with each birth. The most beneficial part of a natural birth is the healing time, and the experience of having “done it”, which some people value more than others. Having said that, a Caesarean is certainly not a cop out. One feels one has been through as much as any woman who has gone the natural route (if not more). Both give you a sense of unconditional love for your baby. Most importantly, I don’t believe that the love you feel for your child is any different, whichever route you choose or need to have.

The life-changing feeling you get from your first child, and the joy from all the babies who follow, is going to be with you for the rest of your life – no matter which birth type you experience.