birth to 3 months

Newborns have weak neck muscles and relatively big craniums, which means they can’t hold their heads up without support. “Gaining good head control is one of the major milestones of the first year and is needed for many of the key movements your baby will master, from sitting to walking,” says Dr Tanya Remer Altmann, editor in chief of the American Academy of Pediatrics’ book The Wonder Years (Bantam Books) and a paediatrician in California.

“The process of achieving head control starts very early,” Altmann adds. “Your baby is already working on it at 1 or 2 weeks of age, when you put him down on his stomach for tummy time and he tries to lift his head, even for a second.” In fact, babies who are frequently given tummy time usually achieve head control sooner than those who are always placed on their backs when they are awake. To help your baby gain neck strength, try giving him tummy time for a few supervised sessions every day, stopping each
time when he becomes fussy or shows other signs that he’s had enough.

Before head control is fully established, at about 4 months, be sure to always support your baby’s head and neck. “Whether you’re picking him up, carrying him around or feeding him, simply place the palm of your hand on the back of his head, with his neck and back leaning against your inner wrist and forearm,” says Altmann. If his head wobbles a bit, don’t panic: It won’t fall off!

4 to 6 months

Body language: read your baby like a book
Once they leave early infancy behind, babies start to make more specific facial expressions, vocalisations and body movements, depending on what they’re feeling and experiencing. To help both of you minimise frustration, make an effort to interpret your baby’s own natural eloquence. Facial expressions, actions and sounds are all clues to your child’s moods and feelings, explains Claire Lerner, director of Parenting Resources at Zero to Three, a Washington, D.C.-based parent education organization.

“Begin to look for patterns,” Lerner says. “For example, when he is overwhelmed and needs a break or is in distress, a baby will often arch his back. He might also avert his gaze and, of course, cry.” On the other hand, if your baby is excited, he will often show it with arm and leg movements. “Say you are playing and he wants you to repeat something: He will often flail his arms and legs to get that point across,” says Lerner. “Wincing probably means he doesn’t like something, and gurgling probably means he is happy.”

If you keep your eyes and ears open, you will see patterns
developing in your baby that will help you understand and care for him and build a mutual empathy in the process.

7 to 9 months

On the move: get down with your baby
Once your baby starts crawling, you can probably expect the action around your house (and the need for babyproofing) to pick up. Then again, he may skip this step and go straight to walking. “Most babies will crawl in some form or fashion, but this is not strictly a developmental milestone,” says paediatrician Dr Tanya Remer Altmann. You might have heard that it’s somehow bad for babies to skip the crawling stage. Not so, says Altmann. “Whether or not babies crawl does not seem to influence when they start to walk.”

If your baby appears eager to start crawling, help him out by giving him plenty of time on his tummy to develop his upper-body muscles. “Also spend as much time as possible with him on the floor, encouraging movement,” Altmann says.

Here are some fun activities to try together:

• Make a “tunnel” by draping a sheet or blanket over a table. Put toys inside the tunnel for your baby to retrieve.
  
• Place pillows and boxes on the floor to make a fun and challenging obstacle course.
  
• Babies love to chase brightly colored rolling toys; placing a baby-safe mirror under some balls will add intrigue.
  
• Become a climbing toy yourself: Lie on your side with your baby behind you, put some toys in front of you and encourage him to climb over you to get at them.
  

10 to 12 months

Constant conversation: encourage the gift of the gab
Your baby has been making sounds since he was born, but by this age, the sounds become intentional and more like real words. To encourage speech, talk to him all the time — while you’re shopping, preparing dinner, changing his clothes. Speak slowly and use short sentences. “It may sound silly, but your baby is listening to every word,” says Dr Ari Brown, a paediatrician in Texas, and author of Baby 411 (Windsor Park Press).

Brown also says you should listen very carefully when your child tries to speak: “You may have no idea what he is saying at first, but praise his efforts to communicate and give him your undivided attention.”

Should you help your baby if he is coming close to saying a word but misses the mark? “If he is clearly trying to say a word, let him say it,” Brown advises. “If you know what he means, you can repeat it back to him correctly, but don’t finish the word or respond to what he wants before he asks,” she adds. “Why should a baby talk when everyone does the work for him?”

1 to 2 years

Throwing tantrums: Help him become calm
“Tantrums can be the only way your toddler has to cope with frustration,” says Claire Lerner of Zero to Three. “He doesn’t know how to cope with his feelings, so you have to stay calm and validate them — ‘I know you’re really mad at mommy’ — without giving in. Then help him recover.”

Some kids respond to holding or rocking, but others don’t, Lerner says. “For those kids, offer a choice — ‘Should we play with cars or make lunch?’ — to defuse the situation.” If that doesn’t work, Lerner encourages parents to create a “cozy corner” with pillows, books, puzzles — quiet things — where a child can cool down.

“It isn’t a punishment to send him there; he’s already been punished by what has happened. It’s a comforting place where your child can learn to calm himself,” Lerner explains.